Filling the Dry Well

Busy! Busy! Busy!

2011-05-18T00:36:00.002-10:00

Hi! Long time no post! Sorry that I've been quiet for so long.

I started a new job in March - I'm working as vfx art director on the TV show 'Spartacus'. Fast turnaround, tons of visual affects and lots of episodes - you get the picture.

I'm having more fun than in a long time. Learning new things again, every day - is also something that I haven't done in a long time. I feel lucky to be working with a great crew.

All that is the reason for not updating my blog these days - this job keeps me insanely busy!

Hopefully see you soon!

Be well - be happy! :)

More Guache!

2011-02-12T20:45:00.001-10:00

Well, I kept going! So much fun!

Well, I kept going! So much fun and very relaxing!

Guache

2011-01-31T18:03:00.002-10:00

Touched guache paint again after 10 years or so. Once you look at the painting it will also seem plausible that this must be like the 5th painting in guache I've done ever since I left school. Ah well, not everyone can be a traditional media ninja!

Old Matte Painting - Firefly Pilot Episode

2011-01-16T09:51:00.002-10:00

I'm currently preparing my portfolio and came across this oldie. I think it's from 2002 when I did a couple of mattes for a SF show called "Firefly". This is from a battle field sequence.

On my own

2011-01-10T12:55:00.002-10:00

My time at Weta Digital is over. I've been there for over six years. I'm very excited about getting out there again. Right now I'm working on some hopefully kickass portfolio stuff. Next week will be portfolio and reel assembly time. You might see a lot more updates here too.
Oh and if you're in need of an environment concept artist or matte painter, shoot me an email. Thanks. Cheers!

Know that movie?

2010-12-20T19:02:00.002-10:00

This took 10 minutes (obviously) - have great holidays everyone!

Just a Quickie Render

2010-11-30T12:21:00.001-10:00

Hi! Here's just something I played with in Vue. Nothing special, but I like the atmosphere! :) Until next time!

Waterballs!

2010-11-15T19:28:00.003-10:00

Hi there! Yep - been busy again! At work. But - I had time to render this - nothing spectacular but I like it in a kitschy kinda way.
When I was asked years ago why I went into computer graphics I used to say that it's the perfect tool to manifest phantastic things in a realistic appearance. As examples I used to mention "you can make spheres of water, just floating like in space". I never made such an image - but finally I kept my word. Vue's caustics are pretty cool. I love the flower overload too. Anyway - let's see how long it takes until I make something else! Until then! Oh and - render time at 2K was 17.5 hours! Haha!

New Songs

2010-10-03T09:40:00.003-10:00

Hi there! No new visuals at the moment - sorry. I'm back at work and all my pixel powers are being sucked away by it. I found time to make a new track tho - and made some new ones during my time off too. Please enjoy!

Electric by F_6

Never again by F_6

Ohspecialyanot by F_6

Sproinnngh!

2010-09-07T19:58:00.001-10:00

Just testing stuff with Vue 8.5 - more soon!

The Making of Crater Lake

2010-08-23T23:40:00.005-10:00

Hello and welcome to a step-by-step for my latest image! I had a request to make it and since I had some time on my hands I was happy to oblige. It's been way too long since I've been doing that anyway. Here we go:

This is the geo of the 'crater'. There are some cloud shadows on top - my apologies. And actually it's a vortex. The Vortex was modelled in a popular sculpting program - my first foray into it.

Initially I wanted to have a mystical green light shining from the bottom of it but I deviated ... looking at it now - maybe I should've stuck with it.
Maybe it might be worth doing another version. Anyway - here's one early render:

Here we have the first 'real' render of the final image. There is an eco-system with some shrubs covering everything. While it looks pretty good in that resolution, my computer gave me some problems rendering it in a higher one. Should have worked with dynamic population in Vue I guess.

Here is the final render out of Vue. Yes, it looks too dark. The reason why it's so dark is that I wanted to keep the contrast without the highlights blowing out. The eco system is painted in and there are cloud shadows from a cloud layer above the camera.

This is the first step in Photoshop. I color corrected the render a bit and since I wasn't happy with how the lake looked, I replaced it with something in a lovely blue. Once I put that new water in, I knew I was on the way:

Here's the final painting in Photoshop. Cloud layers, glares and a much softened, humid atmosphere help this along. Then I 'borrowed' some birds from somewhere and it is done:

As a last bonus, here's a side-by-side of the original render and the final:

I hope you enjoyed this quick and dirty show and tell. Please let me know if you have any questions! Until next time! :)

Crater Lake

2010-08-17T14:53:00.002-10:00

Just a little thing I did in Vue. I think it turned out pretty well. Let me know what you think :) Click on it to see a bigger version.

Forgotten Stairs

2010-08-06T19:51:00.002-10:00

For years I used to drive by this place. It has a garage at the bottom and from the street one can see the stairs leading up to the woods. I always wanted to climb them and have a closer look. I got wet feet because there's water gushing down the steps. That path must not have been used for years and looks pretty much forgotten.

Check out the full set on flicker!

Am I?

2010-08-03T22:29:00.003-10:00

Hi there! Sorry - no artwork again, but another song. Please give it a listen if you have nothing better to do and please leave me a comment if you liked it or not and why! ;) See you next time!

Am I? by F_6

For those who are interested:
Did this during two nights. The instrument you hear in the beginning is a Roland Juno-106, the growling, howling voice is a Korg MS-10 and, finally, the hard raspy bass is a Roland SH-101. The software I used is Propellerheads Reason/Record.

Tibetan Sound Bowl - Fish Bowl?

2010-07-25T16:23:00.002-10:00

I recorded out Tibetan sound bowl (or chiming bowl) and also a big fish bowl we have. Out of those sounds I made the following song. The fish bowl is doing the main work, with the chiming bowl coming in here and there.
It's a basically an almost endless loop I'm adding to.
Give it a try - it's a quite mellow but interesting track.

Soundfishbowl by F_6

Rotorua

2010-07-17T01:03:00.005-10:00

Just got back from a trip to Rotorua - the center of volcanic and thermal activity on the North Island. It was a great vacation - much of it spent soaking in hot thermal water. When we were not, I took a lot of photos - here are some of them:

Lonely Cat

2010-07-12T19:41:00.002-10:00

Could have pushed this way further, but want to move onto other things. Done in Vue and Photoshop. Yes, that's my cat sitting up there - he likes elevated locations ;) See you soon.

A Walk Through the Wellington CBD

2010-07-12T18:58:00.003-10:00

Today I had to be downtown Wellington and took my camera with me. There was a tiny bit of sun, but still pretty cold.

Been way too long!

2010-07-04T13:57:00.004-10:00

Hello everyone! Time to get this blog started again! Quite a few people have seen this already - I've been featured on e-on software's hompage.
Go and check it out if you haven't - I think it turned out quite nicely - features a few frames of my work on Avatar.

Been pretty busy since the last time. I got married to my sweetheart in March and then worked my butt off on various things. End of this week I will go on a two month hiatus to just relax and air out my brain. Might lead to some new artwork - who knows - I have no other agenda than chilling out.

I will start posting stuff on a regular basis again - and if it's just photos. So check in again from time to time!

Peter

Summer, Wellington, 2009

2009-12-23T11:33:00.004-10:00

Made this little video as a Holiday Hello! for my friends abroad. It shows some impressions of the summer that has finally begun here in New Zealand.

"Wellintgon,Summer, December 2009"

Jupiter and the Other Side of the Bay

2009-12-07T00:03:00.002-10:00

Shot through my telescope. I made my own adapter for my Canon SLR - took like 10 minutes and off I went - first about 5km distance across Wellington Bay. And here's Jupiter and a couple of it's moons - not very exciting, but, well, a bit.

For a Gray Monday

2009-11-29T21:05:00.002-10:00

For a gray Monday. Made today - finally a song without a beat. Mostly my old analogue stuff. Just had fun - a relaxing piece - inspired by the gray skies and relentless drizzle and rain on this monday in Wellington.
Leave me a comment if you hate it or like it. See you soon!

One Last Look ...

2009-11-18T12:03:00.002-10:00

Quick painting inspired by a project I worked on recently. Made from a render in Vue and a few photos. Rough around the edges but hey ...

One Song and Four Photos

2009-10-12T11:25:00.003-10:00

Say Hello - a little music sketch I did over the last two days. Uses all old analogue synths of course. Lead voice in the second part is done by a Roland SH-2000 - a synth from 1973. Very nice little critter.

Here are three photos from when Glenda and I went to the Cook Islands recently. L0ve the sunsets!

Otherwise - work's still going strong but the show is in it's last throes. Hopefully things will tone down a bit soon, so I can make more music and even ... paint!!! ;)

Until then!

Candy Skies

2009-08-23T11:44:00.003-10:00

Hi! Still stuck in the vortex of vfx production. Not much time for creative endeavors - started a few songs, none of them finished - but that's pretty much it. But here - a little colorful New Zealand sky for you!

And Still Going ...

2009-07-12T23:24:00.004-10:00

Hi everyone! Or whoever is still checking this blog after such a long time of radio silence. Now we're really into full steam ahead with the work on James Cameron's "Avatar". He actually came to visit us artists last friday. It was really cool. He had some very kind words about our work and one could actually feel the moral-meter raise considerably (not that moral's low).

He shook my hand after I told him I worked on two of his earlier projects (Terminator 2/3D and Titanic) and said "So you're back for more!".

He also talked about the matte paintings for Avatar for about five minutes which was a real boost for my colleagues and me. JC proceeded to tell us how people reacted to seeing 25 minutes of the movie in Amsterdam.

Their impression must have been similar than mine - we also had a screening that day: Even though I've been working on this for a long time it was breathtaking to see everything in context. I can't really say anything but that it blew me away.

See you on the other side!!!

Kneedeep ...

2009-05-05T00:16:00.002-10:00

... in work! We're going full bor eon that James Cameron movie, so that doesn't leave a lot of time for creative endeavors. Well; I've still been taking photos, making a tiny bit of music here and there but it's mostly the crumbs of creativity. Work's taking the most of it.

On the other hand, work is quite exciting these days since I'm finally learning lots of new things and am being challenged to the fullest again. It's a steep hill to climb, but I love it.

Winter is continually creeping into Wellington, until it will be here in full effect in about a month or so. Summer was sweet but short. As always - but I don't mind. I find winter in New Zealand much more stimulating than summer in Los Angeles.

So, bear with me - I'm sure I'll post something of substance soon. Until then it's patience for you and overtime for me ;)

Halfway There ...

2009-03-16T11:45:00.006-10:00

So, during my vacation I spent a lot of time fixing up a 1973 Yamaha XS650. I bought it already chopped into a frisco style bobber, but the finish was pretty hasty in the details and the candy color scheme was not really my taste.

I repainted the tank and fenders into WWI olive drab. I repainted the risers, the chainguard and some other smaller parts black. I installed a Ford Model A brake light. I removed the old, beat up pipes and installed 29" fishtail exhausts. I installed a new mirror and handlebars, a speedometer and added new grips.

I did some refurbishing of the carburetors, installed a new fuel hose and an inline fuel filter.

There are still quite a few things to do - mostly the alternator, which is too old to charge the battery. I'll probably have to get it rewound and install new brushes. Lastly, the fishtail pipes will need some baffles, because, oh boy, are they loud!

before:

after:

I Call It ...

2009-03-08T11:42:00.003-10:00

... the cockpit! So I finally got my Korg Mono/Poly back from service. Tim Prebble here in Wellington did a quick and excellent job! He's looking at my Roland System 100 right now, which is the only analogue synth missing from this picture.
I had forgotten what a crazy machine the Mono/Poly is since I hadn't been playing it for a couple of years now.
Please look at the B/W photo for a description of the different machines in the photo.

I Love My Bicycle Helmet ...

2009-03-04T20:12:00.002-10:00

... because yesterday it saved my life. Pretty much 24 hours ago I was laying on the side of a road here in Miramar, bleeding, moaning and yelling for help.

Here's what happened:

After work, I decided to go for a bicycle ride up on a hill that I'd never been on. Going up wasa nice steady climb - I love going uphill. Finally on top, where one can find a now defunct jail, I turned around to go downhill.

It was a wonderful summer evening and I was starting down the hill, faster and faster - the road had wide turns so that I ended up with a speed of about 50 kph (30 mph). Coming around a turn I noticed a speed bump a few meters away from me - and I'm headed straight for it - it was poorly marked, so I didn't notice it sooner.

I panic-braked and unfortunately locked my front brakes. The bike went up over it's front wheel and flung me down the road - while still doing between 40 and 50 kph. Wheeee!

I saw stars when I hit the road. Next thing I remember is me laying in the middle of the road, bike a few meters down. I rolled myself off the road and just laid there, whimpering.

My iPod waas still playing, but I really didn't feel like music anymore, so I pulled the headphones out of my ear. It took me a while to find the shuffle and turn it off.

So, there I was on the side of the road. Unable to move. No cars coming by - but finally, after abot 10 minutes of calling out for help, a bus arrived. He called an ambulance and took my bike off the road.

Today I'm really hurting and am sporting some massive bruises on my bum. My back is scratched and I think I was using my right calf to brake - a lot of skin is gone. It'll take a while to heal.

But if I wouldn't have worn a good bicycle helmet, I'd be dead now.

Wear your protective gear people! Seatbelts, motorcycle helmets, gloves, leather, etc. - because you never know when you need it.

I'll be posting photos as soon as I feel a bit better ...

Three Fotos, Four Songs

2009-02-16T22:36:00.006-10:00

First some photos I took recently. I really like the one with the moon because it counterplays the street lights below.

Been pretty busy in the studio recently. I got myself a new synth - a Midi Moog - which in a Mini Moog rack-mounted and midified. Following are four new songs I made over the last few months. The UFO one I posted already, but this time it's a high quality mp3.

Robots - this one I made fairly quickly, but had a lot of fun doing so and it came out pretty well for my standards ;) It sounds very Kraftwerky - well - it's got synths and is about robots. It features a Roland SH-09, Roland RS-09 and a Korg MS-10.

Secret Nazi Rug - someone who I was friends with for years suddenly went crazy and really hurt me for no good reason. I made this song to get over it and hey - it worked. Please understand that I was really mad when I made this - that will explain the chorus.
Features the most extensive vocal work I've ever done ( that's not saying much) and the usual gaggle of synths - including the Midimoog on bass and accompanying keyboard. Some people don't like the Autotune effect but I had to give it a try - especially since my singing was so off.

Traktrak - this one I made fairly quickly. Most interesting thing might be me playing two synths (RS-09 & RH-09) at once in the first melody part. My favourite part is the crazy synth solo in the second part. I kept switching the octaves up and down while paying and gives it a bit of an over-the-top feeling.

UFO - my first try at vocals after a long time. Lil' fun song

Please enjoy. I make those purely for the joy of creating them. I don't claim that they're professional or anything, but they might be entertaining - please give them a try! :)

Still here ...

2009-02-08T00:52:00.003-10:00

Hey. Long time no see. I've been laying low recently. Work was bearing very hard on me and sucked out all the little creative juice I had left in me. I am now recuperating. Taking time off. Relaxing. Thinking. Switching off. We'll see what comes of it. I'll let you know.

Summer Is Here!

2008-12-16T14:47:00.002-10:00

Only a few more days and I'll be on holiday! Yessss!

Long time no see!

2008-11-18T09:34:00.002-10:00

Hello! I'm quite busy at the moment - at work and personally, so I haven't posted for almost a month. Things are going well. I'm working on Peter Jackson's latest movie at work. It's good fun.
Personally, I welcomed a new member to the fasmily ... the motorcycle family. This will be my summer project. It's a 1973 Yamaha XS650 that has been chopped into a Frisco Style Bopper. Needs a lot of work, a repaint of the tank, etc. etc. See you soon!

Oldschool

2008-10-20T02:16:00.002-10:00

Hi! Yes, it took me a while to post something again. I came back from Austria and ran right into overtime work. I'm working on a new little painting and have been making a bit of music too. Hopefully I'll finish the painting so you'll get to see it soon.
What I also did was that I went through a lot of old CD backups and put them back on my current machine. Quite a nostalgic trip. Here are three images that were featured on my old webpage (Digital Illustration Outpost / guerillapixel.com). See you soon!

More Impressions from Austria

2008-10-01T05:57:00.006-10:00

Here are some more images from Austria. Sorry for the bad editing, but I'm working on a laptop, so I'm a bit limited.
I'm leaving Austria the day after tomorrow. It was a great time and I'm glad I finally made it back after five years. I won't let another five years pass before I return.
But, I'm also glad that I am returning to my beloved Wellington - home if you want to say it like that.

Beautiful Vienna

2008-09-10T21:13:00.004-10:00

I was in Vienna for a week, before travelling down to my dad's in the province of Styria. The weather was, and still is, fantastic. Very warm, actually a bit too warm for my tastes. Between 25-30 degrees celsius. I'm not used to that anymore.

In Vienna I walked around the city with my mother, who, in my opinion is as savvy as any professional guide. I also met a bunch of old friends I hadn't seen for up to ten years. It was like a day hadn't passed, really nice.

I went to different restaurants and also to a famous beer garden and ate a pork shank there. So unhealthy, but sooo goood!

I still need to download a ton of fotos, but here are the first impressions.

Oh and I'm having shoes made! Here you can see the shoemaker, this awesome lady, taking measures. Now she's gonna make a 'testing shoe' and then, after a few corrections, the real thing. I've always wanted handmade shoes so badly and now I finally get to do this!

Sleepy in Frankfurt

2008-09-02T09:02:00.002-10:00

One more hour and then it's off to Vienna. Finally. I've seen enough airports for now!

Hello from Hong Kong

2008-09-01T14:57:00.005-10:00

Gotta love the internet and free wireless. I'm on my way to Austria right now and laying over in Hong Kong. Too bad that there's not enough time to check out the city, but I'll be back one of these days.
In a few hours I'll board a plane to Frankfurt, the second long distance leg and then, finally, a plane to Vienna. I'm going to be in Austria for a month. No work. For a month. Wheee!
I haven't been back home for five years so I expect to get hit by a little bit of culture shock. I'll be taking tons of photographs to!

The photo above was taken this morning - just past the Philipines and about 1000 kms out from Hong Kong. The one below a little bit before. See you soon!

UFO ...

2008-08-26T01:33:00.004-10:00

Ola! New silly song about a UFO ... that doesn't show. I know - pure brilliance! O_o

UFO!

Please enjoy - it's short and sweet (!??!??).

Aaaaand ... a few words I guess:

I'll be heading to Austria in a week. For the first time in five years. Very weird. It's been so long. I'm looking forward to it. What I'm looking forward to the most is not being at work for a good while. Really.

Anyway - enough babble out of me. Drop me a line! :)

Afternoon Walks

2008-08-14T01:38:00.008-10:00

Did another walk over the hills today. Not as far as yesterday, since I had quite the headache. It was beautiful again. This time I brought my tele lens with me. I really missed it yesterday since the South Island was so visible. I was lucky since it was still quite clear today. The photo above was shot with a 200mm lens - it is slightly cropped. I always wanted to get a shot like that, but the weather was never good enough. The South Island is about 50 kms away if I remember correctly.

We had quite the thunder storm tonight. They are rare here in Wellington. So I opened the door to my deck, put the camera on the tripod and shot 30 second exposures - not a clear lightning but it lit up the skies which you can see here. If you look closely you can see the rain coming down from the clouds . This was around 10pm at night.

This one I shot a while ago. I love how tranquil it is. I like the colors too.

The cloud hook. I notice I don't get out much. All the photos I shot over the last months are either from my deck or from the neighbourhood. Oh well. Going to Austria soon and I will be loaded with memory cards and lenses.

And finally the cat. Hello cat. I love thee!

Burning ...

2008-08-12T21:15:00.003-10:00

... out?

Anyway - here are some nice photos I took this arvo. They were taken from the ridges about 20 mins south of my house. I love Wellington and still can't believe I get to live in a place like this.

More Final Fantasy: The Spirits Within

2008-08-11T02:08:00.007-10:00

Well - I thought since we're having our 10 year anniversary, I'll post some more FF stuff.

It's weird looking at those images after not having seen them for a very long time. I just remember how proud and arrogant I was during that time. I have to say that obvious mistakes just scream at me when I see those paintings. Experience makes a difference. Learning how to be a bit more humble too - because when one isn't busy telling everyone how great one is, one can pick up the great things fellow artists want to teach you.
If you're not busy behaving like a total dickhead.

The one that I'd almost let pass is the "Boa", the ship in orbit, but that was based on a wonderful clay model someone had built - maybe it was Kaneko - I'm not sure anymore. What I also realize again is how fantastic those japanese concept artists were. Truly awesome.

The painting of the city scape was meant to be a matte painting but really only passes as mediocre concept art. One thing in defense: back then we hardly had any easily available photographic reference and nifty things like AO, GI and FG were missing too, so even 3D didn't help that much. Well - at least it should have helped me a bit more with perspective. Eeek.

The crater one is another version of the crater posted below. This one doesn't look like an anus and I actually kinda like it. Still - I'd do things entirely different. The lack of a thought out atmosphere is disturbing though. So is the lack of lighting on the clouds.

It really rocks my world a bit to think that this was 10 years ago. I met some really cool people back then and made some really good friends there. Especially my friend Remo - who still lives in Hawaii to this day. Need to visit him again soon.

I also miss the Japanese artists I got to work with. Absolute pros and talented to the T. I made friends with a few of them and would love to see them again one day. At least my good friend Hiroyuki Seshita, who was such a cool guy. Might happen, who knows.

Since digital cameras weren't any good or affordable back then, I have only a few photos from that time - but I'm glad I scanned this one. It's my friends Neville, Jeff and me (on the far left) in Kauai. We chartered a Hughes 500 helicopter, having landed in the middle of a broken volcano chimney. I remember the pilot (behind us) telling us that one could only get there by chopper. There were no doors in the heli, so I was hanging out of it during much of the flight. Sweet times, sweet times.

If anyone would have told me 20 years ago in Austria, that one day I'd be living in Hawaii, zooming around in a chopper, I'd have asked them for a hit from their crack pipe. And now? Now it's already 10 years ago!!!

Now, what do we learn from this? If you get to do something cool, work on something cool or are just in a great situation - look around, enjoy, memorize, photograph and share. And don't be a dickhead.

Talk to you soon.

10 years ago ...

2008-08-07T20:56:00.004-10:00

... yes boys and girls, 10 years ago - Final Fantasy - The Spirits Within. I miss Hawaii :(

Most of the designs were done by fantastic concept artists - I did the illustrations over the line art. Funny looking at that stuff again. Time surely goes by quickly ...

?

2008-08-07T18:19:00.002-10:00

Recent Song

2008-08-05T02:51:00.006-10:00

Here's the first song I've made in about, well, almost a year. Since one can't upload mp3's on blogger, I made this little video. I rendered some cheesy mid 80s style 3D atrocities so you've got something moving to look at. Don't look to long though, otherwise you'll get sick - rather listen to the music. Might make you sick too though ;) See you soon!

PS: Eeeek - just noticed that the upload applies a BRUTAL compressor to the whole thing. I redid the upload and applied a quite tight compression to the audio track. Hopefully it'll sound a bit better than the first upload. And if someone knows a free site where one can upload files / mp3's to link to, please be so kind and let me know. Thanks :)

UPDATE:

Here's the song for download:

http://soundclick.com/share?songid=6821268

Thanks for the offers though, guys!

Depression: The In and the Out

2008-08-03T00:29:00.013-10:00

This is for Tim - with whom I share the passion for diving.

I wanted to write about the topic of depression for a long time - since this blog is not only about my art, but finding my creativity and passion again after depression.

Quickly some disclaimers to the things written below:

* I have let quite a few things out to either protect my or another person's privacy
* This was written late at night and are purely my personal views - so keep that in mind.

Anyway - here we go:

It's quite interesting that people who have not gone through it, don't know anything about it.

But on the other hand, it's such a personal thing and a sickness of the psyche - one does not go run around and talk about one's depression like one is telling a story about how they broke their leg during last winter's ski trip.

People are also dismissive when it comes to depression: "Yeah, we all feel down every once in a while. You should just lighten up!", etc. I'm not free of guilt either. Years ago, a person I very much respected, needed a job and asked if I could help him out. That person also told me that he was depressed and needed the job. He was honest and in a bad spot.
Unfortunately I was such an arrogant bastard back then, I dismissed the plea for help but also dismissed the person's depression. I just had no idea what it meant.
Whenever people dismissed my state later, I was hurt, but then always reminded myself of my own ignorance. Even though it can be hard to take.

Before I can talk about how I got out of my depression, I have to talk a little bit about how I slipped into it. The above photo was taken in March 2002 - about six months after I had broken up with my partner back then. It was a quite painful and traumatic breakup for both parties.

The b/w pictures were taken by myself in the half empty apartment that I still stayed in after she had left. I think this was pretty much the point in time when it all started.

I had never really learned to talk honestly about my feelings and that was a partially what lead to the failure of the relationship. This lack of being able to talk about what's going on inside, also prevented me from finding closure after the whole thing was over. I just tried to "move on" - like I did after the relationships before that one.

Three months later I moved to New Zealand for six months to work on a project. As one often does, I thought the change of location would help. The work was exciting, the people were great and New Zealand was beautiful.

When being at my apartment at night though - dark things crept in. Feelings of tremendous guilt, what if's, conversations with the person I had broken up with - the whole spinning wheel of dread. I said to myself "Oh well - no wonder you're sad. You just need a little bit of time to get over it." I had no idea that it would take me a good six years to get over it.

I remember listening to a radio program, where people spoke about their divorce. They described their feelings and problems - I thought "Hmmm. Weird - that's how I feel. Strange. But I'm not divorced, so whatever ..."

Now I wish I hadn't dismissed my feelings back then and had recognized the sign. Those people were mostly talking about depression. But I had no idea what kind of dark monster I had set free and which was beginning to embrace me in it's all-encircling black tentacles over the next few years.

Fast forward from December 2002 to April 2006.
[In November 2004 I moved to New Zealand again.]

I had gone though several unsuccessful relationships in those years.

Moving from LA to New Zealand really kicked my depression into high gear. Leaving my social circle and my friends kickstarted the whole thing. A few months after arriving I really began to fall into a deep pit.

I had started to drink on a daily basis - something I had never ever done: I got drunk by myself.

I was still, after FIVE years, living in the past. Still having imaginary conversations with the person from back then.
But it also had become crowded in my head - I felt guilty about all the other broken relationships in between.

I had conversations with fantasies and mental abstracts of people I hadn't seen in years. Talking, saying sorry to persons that had moved on long ago. I played through scenarios from the past. Possible other outcomes to ease the regret. A kind of mental "Groundhog Day" of emotional horrors.

After a while, nothing made sense to me anymore. I was completely emotionally confused, I had lost any self confidence. I thought I would get fired from my job any day. I had stopped doing my own paintings. I hid away at home. I basically was afraid to go out into public - afraid people would point at me and say "Loooook, there he is! He's a loooooooser! He's the bad person we heard about!"

I was living in my own head so much that I felt dizzy. I bumped into things constantly and had trouble driving my car. I thought it was from drinking so much.

I thought I had to move back to LA because I'd lose my job in NZ. I just had broken up with my girlfriend of 1.5 years, because she wanted to come with me and I couldn't see that at all happening.

Important point: with all this craziness happening, I still had NO IDEA that I suffered from DEPRESSION!!! I thought I just had hit a bad streak. You know, life goes in waves. Up and down.

The turning point:

Well - after I had broken up with that girlfriend, I had to raise the white flag. I couldn't go any further. Not one step. My life was headed in a direction that was becoming destructive, even dangerous. The only thing I knew was, that things were getting out of hand and that I needed help. Maybe even professional help.

My ex-gf, bless her, was really supportive and got me the number of a therapist here in town. A year before I would have said "Therapist? Why would I need one? I'm not crazy!".
But now I gladly made an appointment and dragged myself there.

This was the beginning of getting out of depression. The realization that:

* things were not "normal"
* I had a problem
* I couldn't 'fix' it myself - no, I needed help.

I think this is one of the biggest problems with depression: first, realizing that one suffers from it and, second - accepting it. Not dismissing it.

The first therapy session was already a big relief for me. I was in such distress that I just basically talked for an hour straight, and would do so for a very long time on a weekly basis.

Lucky for me, my therapist is an ace in her profession. She immediately recognized my troubles and guided me for the next two years. I visited her once a week.

Parallel to therapy, I went to my GP (doctor) and, now, that I knew what I suffered from, asked her for help too. She prescribed a mild dose of an SSRI, to basically keep me from bottoming out.

This April was my last session. It was a rocky ride. Getting better is not a linear process - it's a lot of ups and downs too. I hit some potholes during these two years, but with the guidance of my therapist and the knowledge that I had no other choice than getting better I went through it.

Bit by bit I began to understand how certain parts of myself worked, what caused my depression, what behavioural habits I had and needed to change.
Usually with realizing certain mistakes I made and the reasons for making them, they disappeared.

With that understanding, I also managed to break my relationship patterns.

I think this is not a standard recipe, but this is how it worked for me.

Now, seven years after the breakup, more than two years after starting therapy I have basically re-entered life. I'm still hurting inside here and there, but I realized that I have to learn to live with it.

I have started making my own art again, as you can see below. Currently I'm on a music making spree.

I have found a wonderful partner and am in an equally wonderful relationship.

I'm not drinking anymore by myself and have stopped other destructive habits.

I look at life differently and like to think that I have changed to the better.

I am not thinking anymore that I am a loser or bad person.

Heck, I think I'm starting to kick ass again these days! ;)

Tim, I hope this gave you some insight. Please send me a personal message if you have any questions or if I can be of any help. Cheers.

Hey - and the gray hair kinda suits me:

If you think that someone might want to read this, please pass it along. Thank you.

Studio Update

2008-07-29T14:29:00.002-10:00

With the help of my lovely girlfriend I redid my studio. I got an awesome keyboard stand that makes all the difference. With my recent switch to Logic Express (still running Reason in the BG) I can finally record audio and get to use my old analogue synths and microphones again. Very happy. Finished one track last week and am currently working on another one. I love making music. Keeps me in balance - expecially when works wearing me out.

Old Kong Matte

2008-07-20T21:56:00.003-10:00

Here's one of the backgrounds I did for Kong. Painting starts a the greenbelt behind the Rex. Original painting is over 8K wide and was used for a few shots.

Quickie

2008-07-14T12:56:00.002-10:00

Done in Artrage ...

One Last Smoke ...

2008-07-08T20:07:00.001-10:00

Done in Artrage ...

Madre Mio!

2008-07-03T00:42:00.002-10:00

Still 'tossing the overtime salad" ... Eeeek! At least I'm cranking out on some cool stuff here at work ;)

Painting While On the Phone ...

2008-06-30T01:40:00.003-10:00

Hey! Nothing to write home about at all. I usually talk to my girlfriend on the phone. And while I'm doing that I'm quite often painting. Being on the phone makes my paint mind flow more easily. This is just a little sketch - I call it "Parrotfish". Well, hey - at least I'm painting ;)

And now ...

2008-06-25T13:57:00.002-10:00

... I'm at home, sick. Great. Still not getting to paint. Grrr. I can just think about painting - which I do quite often these days. I'm having some new ideas and the desire to go back to some old ones. Either way - without time, neither will happen, haha.

I will visit Austria for the whole month of September - after not having been there for FIVE years! Time goes by so quickly. I'm looking forward to it! Anyway - I better get some more sleep.

Still Alive ...

2008-06-23T16:09:00.002-10:00

... but still working like a mother! I hope that pretty soon things will go back to normal and I can finally return to making my own art. Right now I just don't have the energy. Worked over the weekend. Worked 15 hours yesterday - you get the picture. Speaking of picture - I still have time to take some quick photos. Here you go. See you soon!

My Stars!

2008-05-29T18:37:00.004-10:00

Holy moly! Omg! Well .. not really - took this image yesterday - part of the milky way. Gotta love the southern night skies.
I took this with a Canon 40D and the 50mm f1.4 and ISO 800 and 8 seconds exposure. The picture you see was created from four separate exposures, that I then stacked together in Photoshop to reduce noise and get more dynamic range. It's not a stellar image ( sorry for the bad pun ) but still pretty interesting and once again confirms that the 50mm prime 1.4 is my favourite lens.

And there's also the moon rising above the fogs of Seatoun. Shot from my balcony.

Aquatic Dweller Update

2008-05-26T03:00:00.002-10:00

Argh. Not happy with this yet. This is really total work in progress - will probably change quite a bit. Also note- there is no 'under water' treatment on it yet. And all kinds of other stuff missing. But feel free to give me some pointers anyway - maybe this helps me finishing this sucker nicer than I intended. Further down you should find the initial sketch that led to this. See you soon!

For Raine

2008-05-26T02:47:00.004-10:00

Hey - thanks for your kind comments. To answer your questions:

"would love to know what projects you're working on"

Weta is working on James Cameron's "Avatar" - which will release in 2009. I didn't do too much for it yet - mostly minor production concepts.
Right now I'm full time on the remake of "The Day the Earth Stood Still".

"and who are in the matte dept. at the moment, I wanna find their portfolios :D"

I can't really tell you that, I'm sorry. But - the two links on my blog lead to artists that have graced the matte department with their talents in recent months / last year. They work more on the concept side of things but are all great people and great artists. I'd bookmark all of their blogs.

Another person who used to work here is my good friend Christian Haley. I can't seem to find his online portfolio rightnow, but just search for his name - you should find plenty of stuff. He is phenomenal. I learned a lot from this guy.

Hope this somewhat helps! :)

Some more shots

2008-05-25T14:16:00.012-10:00

Hello! I'm still terribly busy at work. I'm the only matte artist at Weta for a week, so that'll be exciting. I thought I'd post some more of my photos to keep this blog going. Thank you for all your kind comments, I hope I can post some original work soon again! Until then take care and keep checking :) And sorry about the terrible formatting of the post - still trying to figure out this weird interface.

This morning

2008-05-11T18:27:00.002-10:00

Hello! Just a view from my bedroom that I shot this morning - 3 stitched photographs. I'm soooo busy at work, it's not funny. I didn't have any time to do any personal work :( But hopefully soon. I need to finish that fish thingy! Cheers :)

Progress

2008-04-18T13:03:00.002-10:00

Hi! Quick update: Actually got some time in for "Aquatic" - it's coming along fine. Nevertheless work's got me by the balls I have to be in this Saturday. I hope I can finish this painting soon though.

Busy

2008-04-14T22:24:00.003-10:00

Work's rattling me pretty hard right now, since we're only two matte painters in a facility with three projects in full production mode. I like it tho, since I'm much better when working under some pressure :)
But nevertheless, I'm working on a quick illustration of that creature in my last post. Hopefully I'll finish this week :) Until then! Back to work with me!

Aquatic ...

2008-04-09T02:44:00.002-10:00

Little sketch in Artrage - maybe I'll make more of that later.

Going Weird ...

2008-04-08T00:05:00.004-10:00

Well - not too weird. I'm just having fun sketching out some details for my next painting. Here are two sketches, that's all I'm going to divulge.
One thing I have to be careful about is that I don't get too complicated / indulgent with preparation and execution. That's what made the end of "Launch" somewhat of a drag. There were too many elements to get lost in. No idea how to prevent me from doing that - actually I do - I need to make a simple layout / sketch first, which locks down all the important elements and then play by that layout. Well - we'll see if I can pull that off. I'll keep you posted :)

PS: Oh and I still owe you the 'making of' for 'Launch' - I'll do that as soon as I have a bit more time than right now. Cheers!

Onto Something New

2008-04-07T00:45:00.002-10:00

After a few days rest in the wake of finishing "Launch" and getting a PS3, I'm getting the itch again. It'll be a hopefully quick painting. I don't want to say anything about it, except that I think it's a pretty funny idea. Presentation and composition are key though. If I do the 'ideal' version that's in my head, it will involve a character ... eek! My weakness.

Otherwise I want to state my happiness of the reception of "Launch". The crits were all dead on and will help me to make better pieces in the future. I certainly won't go back and improve, because I'm sooooooo done with it :)
I was especially happy to see that Concept Art found it worth deeming my first post five star worthy! I was really surprised, because oh man, are there huge caliber artists at large. So I feel happy and rewarded.

Launch also gave me a bit of closure, since I first came up with it when I was deep in the black pit. Finally finishing it is a bit more proof that I've left my depression for good and am holding the rudder of my creative ship firmer and firmer. Happiness. Nothing can buy it! (except five stars at CA, haha).

With that I leave you. Thank you for visiting and hopefully I've got a new painting up!

Finally Launching!

2008-04-01T03:01:00.003-10:00

Eeep! It has holes as big as a house. It looks quite incomplete. There are lotsa mistakes and flaws. But I had to kick it out! It was a creative thrombosis! I have a few ideas for some other paintings - but I didn't want to start anything until I had this painting done. And it was dragging on and ooon and ooooon! So I finished it - not as I would have liked it to be - but I don't want this to be the last piece I'll ever do.

I hope you like it nevertheless as it is - there is quite a bit of work in it. I made the first sketch for it over two years ago if I remember correctly. Still stuck in my creative black hole, I was already happy to get a sketch out. That I actually completed it, is a bit of a triumph for me - you know why if you've read this blog's profile.

I probably will make a 'making of' if anyone is interested. Please let me know.

And now, to bed with me - up way past my bedtime! See you soon! Cheers :)

Still Working ...

2008-03-24T00:47:00.002-10:00

... on Launch! Eeek! It's taking forever! And I'm not sure when I'll be done. I just wanted to quickly check in and say that - no - this blog is not abandoned. It's jsut taking a while to finish this image. I also do not want to start another painting inbetween, so I finally get this done.
I got the actual carrier pretty much finished, but now the fighter looks kinda old - never looked good anyway. For that reason I got a new render of the fighter cooking. That will hopefully be the last one!
The photo is one I shot over the weekend. See ya soon!

Trouble

2008-03-11T00:32:00.003-10:00

I have an idea for a new painting. It's a quite challenging task for me since the main subject is not, as usual, an environment, but a character. Still far from human, being a robot, it's still quite the jump for me. This is first contact - dirty little sketch done in Artrage. I'm not claiming any greatness to this pic. It's really just a very very first step.

just in case you're interested:

http://www.artrage.com/

Back on "Launch"

2008-03-10T01:51:00.004-10:00

After my excursion to planet Ulōlō, I returned to finally finish off the flying aircraft carrier. Much easier task on the new machine. Ulōlō wasn't hard to do on my old computer, because it was only 2.5K resolution and I grudingly kept it 8-bit. That was ok, since the subject had so much details and hardly any soft gradients.
With "Launch" it's a bit different. It's 16 bit, 3.5K and has a ton of layers. I already had put a lot of work into it, so I didn't want to compromise.

I still have a lot to do on it. Tonight I designed and modelled some anti-aircraft deck guns. I'm pretty happy with them - they will populate the somewhat empty roof of the hangar part of the ship. I hope to finish the painting this week - but don't hold your breath. ;)

I also wanted to give a little shout-out to my girlfriend Glenda: Thank you for always being there for me and for being so supportive. Thank you for helping getting me back on my artistic feet. Thank you for being so understanding and full of encouragement! You truly rock my world!

A New Arrow in the Quiver

2008-03-08T22:53:00.005-10:00

I recently complained that my computer, an outdated PC, was way too slow to do serious paintwork. Today I fixed that problem and got me a 24" iMac. I already have a 24" monitor, so the screen real estate that is available now is plentiful and inviting.
I initially wanted to get a Mac Pro Desktop, but after some consideration, mostly financial, decided against it. It's a true work horse, nicely engineered - I use one at work - but I just took the iMac for a test spin and it is wonderfully quick. A lot of bang for the buck - runs Windows like a charm too.
I can't believe anyone, who is not strapped for cash, would buy a PC instead of Apples. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not a blind believer, but Jobs and the guys and gals at Apple have done a lot of things right in recent years.
OSX is a great operating system too. If I didn't have to run Windows for a couple of reasons, I'd abandon it forever. What a backwards POS.
And lastly - come on - we're artists! Apple computers are really easy on the eye and cleverly designed. They're not just looking good, but easy to use. Alright - enough praise out of me!

I just want to add that somehow I feel my creative juices are really returning. It's a great feeling. I'm not going to get ahead of myself though, because I have been disappointed too many times before. I will just take it easy and enjoy whatever creative energy comes my way. Thinking back to how I was feeling a year ago, I can hardly believe I've come that far. It's also nice to see that after sticking my head out again a little bit on forums, a few people still remember me and gave me a "Wondering where you were - welcome back!". Until next time!

Oh and here's a shot I took last saturday: Fireball, fireball!

"Deployed" - Step by Step

2008-03-07T18:05:00.010-10:00

I had a request to show some inbetween steps of how the painting in the last post was done. I'm more than happy to do so and will probably go overboard ;) In general I wanted to go for a fairly photoreal style and have it be a little bit funny. As much as I like futuristic cities and huge spaceships and will do paintings like that again (and am working on one right now) I wanted to do something different.

The idea for this painting was flying around in my head for a few years. I made a few very, very rough sketches in the during that time, but nothing really satisfying. I always imagined the statue being some kind of Tiki. So, I jumped into SketchUp Lite - an architectural 3D program you can download from www.google.com and threw around some geo. You can see the result on top. Basically I just wanted to use it as a perspective guide, but I liked to 8-bit charm the layout had and decided to stick with it. SketchUp (the Lite version) is free, easy and a lot of fun to use. Give it a try! :)

Next I threw in a background plate I shot on the southisland of New Zealand. I wanted a guide for general lighting direction and athmosphere. It had the water on the bottom already, a detail I strayed from while working on the painting, only to return to it in the end.

After putting the background in, I started loosely sketching on the 3d render, trying out different things. Very quickly though, I started dropping photo reference into it. Below is one of the photos I used. Over the course of the painting I must have used around 30-40 photos for sure. Except the soldiers I shot them myself.

Here I'm playing with different things - a waterfall to the right, a photo of my dad studying the statue and some more greenery in the background. The Tiki is fully textured now.

I always wanted to have another statue in the background, so I put in a placeholder before I got to the real one. I lost the waterfall to the right and replaced it with a very steep rockwall. In hindsight the waterfall might have been a nice choice. On the other hand I wanted nothing to distract from the scene in the middle.

If you look carefully, you can see a big planet in the sky. I despereately wanted to improve the feel that we're on a different planet - and used the oldest trick in the book - celestial objects one doesn't see in our sky.

I also droppedin the group of soldiers I stole from the web. They were part of a much bigger group. I rearranegd faces, added helmets and did a lot of other work to make them unrecognizeable. I tried a lot of different people / persons, but that group seemed to fit the best. Maybe I'll make another version where I take a photograph of a friend dressed as an intergalatic tramper. ;)

Here is the finished painting. I returned to the water, which I think is much nicer than the rocky floor I had in there before. Additionally, I realized, that the rock was way too detailled, rough and distracting. So I went ahead and smoothed the whole thing. I put another statue in the back and changed the background to something nicer. I also wanted a darker sky, so the two moons I added would stand out a tad more than in the previous background.

I also let a shadow fall onto the statue to tie it into the background some more.

Before publishing the painting I did some post processing and added some grrrrrrain. Voila - done!
The whole thing took me three (long) evenings. The original is 2450 pixels wide. I did it in 8-bit color space, since my machine is reeeaaaaly slow in 16-bit mode. This image is hopefully the first part of a series, based on an idea I had a while ago.
Well, I hope you liked this 'walkthrough'! Here's an original resolution crop of a detail as a bonus ;) Cheers.

Deployed on Planet Ulōlō

2008-03-05T02:49:00.002-10:00

It's almost 2am ... but finally finished. A fictional photo of future troops deployed on planet Ulōlō, checking out the local cultural highlights. Taking a snapshot and sending it home. I'll write about the making of another time since it's late and I have to get my behind to bed. I hope you like it ... I had a lot of fun painting it. Cheers.

Late Night

2008-02-27T01:47:00.003-10:00

Argh! Computer slow! I'm actually bootcamping Windows onto my Macbook Pro again, because I'm hoping that it will run Photoshop a little quicker than my aging PC. Even though I've got a mirrored array in it (just for SATA disks - nothing wild) it's sleep inducing. As I mentioned before - 16-bit images don't help. I refuse to work in 8-bit anymore though - I've fought mach-banding for years and I've had my fill ;) "Mach-banding" is such an old-school term, I learned it when I first came to Digital Domain in 1995. Back then we already had paint programs that worked in 16-bit: Matador and Amazon Paint, running on Silicon Graphics machines. The rest of the pipeline was pretty much 8-bit, so we used 16-bit only for special cases.
It took Adobe forever to (pretty much) completely switch Photoshop to 16-bit so us matte painters could use it. Photoshop CS was the first version. Boy did I get drunk when that one came out! It's been great ever since.

I'm making good headway with launch and should be done with it pretty soon. Next painting I'll hop onto will be less epic (I say to myself - let's see if I'm listening). My problem is that I still fall too much into detailling. Work's got me down a bit so this has been a nice change. Anyway - I'm babbling.

Sorry - no picture today! See you soon.

Another View ...

2008-02-25T02:59:00.002-10:00

... from my studio. I caught this moon a couple of weeks before Christmas. I always wanted to shoot a nice moon, but it's a bit tricky: if the exposure time is too long, the clouds get blurry because they move. If the clouds are sharp, they quite often are too dark. So it took a super bright moon and some experimenting. I think it turned out fine. It was shot with a Canon 5D, a 50mm / f1.4 prime. Time was 1/8th at f1.4 with ISO 640.

Back to the New ...

2008-02-25T01:58:00.003-10:00

Back to the painting that hopefully will be! I've done some more work on "Launch". This is the first time after 1.5 weeks that I got to work on it again. One factor that also slows me down, next to the lack of time, is that my PC is getting pretty darn slow once you throw some layers, color corrections, layer masks at it - throw 16-bit color depth into the mix and it feels like 1997 all over again. Aahh, I can feel my 'justifier' working to talk me into buying myself one of those fantastic Mac Pro desktops (I use a beefy one at work, and holy cow, can that thing be loaded without getting out of breath!

This time I'm only showing a crop, in order to impress you a little bit more once I'm posting the finished thing. There are a lot of temp elements in here - the deck crew for instance or also the heat signature. Additionally, the fighter hasn't really been worked on either. Right now I'm concentrating on the carrier. The image has been flipped too - I'll flip it back again, but I usually switch it back and forth so I get somewhat of a fresh look at the illustration.

I just thought of something: I keep getting caught up in details - I love it of course, but in order to have a better plan, at the beginning of the next session, I will sit down and do a quick paintover to get an idea how what the final painting will look like and what it needs. Also - ideas are flowing better that way too.

One last thing for tonight: If you have any critique or a suggestion about how to make this thing look better, please leave me a comment. Any other kind of comment is welcome too and will act as a massive motivator for my personal work. With that I leave you until next time. Thanks for stopping by. :)

Paintings The Never Were ...

2008-02-17T19:48:00.021-10:00

Hello and welcome to really letting my pants down, so to speak. These are two examples of paintings that died before they even could leave the starting area. They have been on my hard disk for years, and I left them on there as a grim reminder of my failure.

The delta plane one is the worst. I lost enthusiasm so quickly that I didn't even put two hours into that 'thing'. I set it up wrong, was too tight for being at that stage and had no clear idea of what it was going to be. I also hate that delta wing airplane. The story behind this painting is almost non existent. Or a bad one.

The chimney one is of similar origin, but even more painful, because I had high hopes. I thought it would make for an epic, grim but somehow beautiful painting. Same problem - to anal with the setup - baby died in thew crib!
I did a quick paintover as you can see, to show you a glimpse of what I imagined: a forest of crazy, twisting and smoke belching chimneys. A world filled with smoke and soot. I also wanted to get glimpses of red furnace fires from the dark area below. The paint-over was actually so much fun, maybe I'll pick this up again, who knows.
I think that under normal circumstances, I would have pulled off at least the chimney painting, but having my, then still latent depression, depleted any motivation after the first desperate brush strokes.

The last one is the "Small World". I was very enthusiastic about this sketch and just never got around to do a painting. Lack of motivation. I'd still love to pick it up!

That Old Feeling ...

2008-02-14T00:23:00.003-10:00

... is still not here, but I sure as hell enjoy just sitting down for the second time to work on this painting, listening to music blaring out of the speakers (old Pc-Engine game tracks - I'm a true geeeeek!). I'm taking my sweet time with painting. And why not? I think during my first 'old' phase of doing digital illustration I always was too impatient to present something. Quite often I ended up with something half-baked, not thought out or simply unfinished. Right now I'm just glad I'm motivated enough and have the opportunity to sit down and work on my own stuff. I'm almost indulgent ;). Sorry that I'm not posting any new states of the painting, but I am struggling right now ... having my pants down ... wouldn't wanna show that. I'm merciful that way! ;) But soon. Not that anyone is waiting.

Home Again ...

2008-02-11T21:25:00.001-10:00

Up until now I used to work on my personal stuff after hours at work. I just wasn't happy anymore with my setup at home. I'm not so much talking hardware, but the location of my desk. Where it used to be was just a really uninviting spot. With the valuable advice of my lovely girlfriend we found a better spot for it. And tonight is the first time I'm sitting down - working on "Launch" at home. I've got a 3K render with me and will jump on it. We'll see how far I get. But I feel quite inspired - especially when I look out the window. The location change now allows me to look straight out over Wellington bay - if that doesn't inspire me, nothing will. The photo's one of many I took from that window :) I'll keep you posted!

Leftover Day!

2008-02-10T11:56:00.000-10:00

Hello! Here are two images that never got finished. One is an asteroid field I just hacked together in two hours or so - it also exactly looks like two hours of work. The other one is the giant mushroom, where a wicked character should have taken a rest underneath. I never got that far. Buit I like the lighting and the realism of it. It was done in Maya with some GI and final gathering trickery. I'm still working on the launcher, but didn't have a lot of time for it recently. But I will finish that one, if it kills me ... ;)

Lt. Apetron

2008-01-29T12:11:00.000-10:00

I made this illustration for my friend Matt about 1.5 years ago. I was pretty motivated for once and wanted to do a really intricate and detailed paiting. It's all done by hand, except the background landscape - I used Vue to create that. I started it with just a sketch as you can see, then laid out the basics in float color. Once I had all the main elements defined and established, indulging in detailling and shading could begin. Original resolution is 2500x2500. It's far from perfect, but I'm pretty happy with it. Let me know what you think!

New Launch image

2008-01-28T17:16:00.000-10:00

Weeeeeeell. Slowgoing - made some improvements, but still have a few things to do before I'll start painting.

Launch Progress ...

2008-01-27T14:59:00.000-10:00

Hello. I wonder if *anyone* is reading this, haha. I'll go ahead anyway.
I'm still working on the 3D scene of "Launch". Making good progress. Done with the fighter geo, will put a texture map I did a while ago on it. Then I still need to work on the carrier. I actually want to remove a lot of the nurnies and return to some details I had in the rough sketch - they seem to be more interesting and elegant in my opinion. The details I have on the side of the carrier just look very generic and like they don't really belong to it. I'm also going to rework the struts that are holding the launch rail - they're looking a bit too elegant - also returning to a design that is closer to the original sketch (posted those sketches a little further down below.
I will post a new version in the next few days - probably at the end of the 3D phase. And then I'm gonna paint over it. Not really sure what the final resolution will be - but it's gonna be at least 3K, if not 4 ... eep ;)

"Launch" WIP

2008-01-24T10:09:00.000-10:00

Here's the latest work in progress of "Launch", the sketch I posted yesterday. I'm still in the 3D phase. I don't know how far I'll push it, but I'm having fun right now, so I'll just keep going. Still need to flesh out the carrier. Just put the environment in. Will also have to work on the landscape / clouds below. Think I'll deploy Vue to do that, but might just end up being a painting too. Let me know what you think of it so far. Thanks!

Old Sketch

2008-01-23T17:43:00.000-10:00

This sketch is about 2 years old. It was a very ambitious plan for a quite photo real illustration. A shuttle being launched from something like a stratospheric carrier-ship. I also sketched out the ship in more detail as you can see in the other image. I got as far as modelling the shuttle and carrier in 3D, but then lost interest. The shuttle turned out to be more a fighter in 3D. But I'm happy to say that I picked this up a couple of days ago and am working on it again. I would really like to finish this, since it'd make a pretty cool illustration in my opinion. I'll post progress. Let me know if you have any suggestions.

2008-01-22T12:15:00.000-10:00

Thanks for your comment, Tom Evans! I just wanted to reply to it and elaborate on the purpose of this little blog. Basically, I don't think I'm making excuses - I just want to describe and document how I felt, and how I feel about the art I created during that time. Hopefully I soon will post new art, made under new, happier, circumstances, which will show the difference to back then. My credit list might be interesting, but I'm happy that my creative juices are finally returning to a degree that they're not all used up by my job, but that there are also some left for my personal work ;). Anyway - thanks again Tom, for being the first one to comment on my work.

Invite

2008-01-22T12:02:00.000-10:00

This was an invite to my house warming party in late 2006. I think it turned out ok. Every once in a while during my 'hard times' I actually managed to produce something finished that I was happy with. First you have the sketch that I made in SB pro and below the final result. The title on the invite was something like "Come to My House!". My house is not really situated on a rock spire of course.
I used lots of photographic reference for it. I shoot a lot of my own reference - and here in beautiful New Zealand there are lots of opportunities to do so.

Alien City

2008-01-20T10:40:00.000-10:00

This doodle was also done in sketchbook. Just happened - obviously. I kinda like it. Of course it's nothing great, but being done in 2005, the worst part of my depression, I was happy I could even do something like that. Als0 - to clarify - I was still working full time in my job during that time - so my theory is that I used up all my creative energy at work. So for my personal work, the well was dry, which can be seen in most of these examples.

Art Deco Vase

2008-01-17T17:18:00.000-10:00

Quick still done in sketchbook pro. Made in 2005 - amazing how time goes by - doesn't seem like it has been 2.5 years. Really rough but I'm quite happy with how it turned out. This was when I was doing really bad, but still had no idea that I was suffering from depression. This is the last realistic painting I did in sketchbook.

Temple

2008-01-17T17:01:00.000-10:00

Here's an image I made in Vue. I really like the package but my initial enthusiasm waned too and I rarely use it anymore for personal stuff. This render could have been way more than it is, but I think it turned out ok. A bit sterile and there's nothing going on.
It's straight out of Vue, except some color correcting. Btw - feel free to comment on all of my images. Thanks :)

Sktechbook Pro

2008-01-17T12:03:00.000-10:00

I used Alias Sketchbook Pro for a while. It's a pretty neat sketch program but I haven't touched it in a while since it has some annoying flaws too. Additionally, support for it has been stopped and I found Artrage, which is just as good, easier to use and costs a fraction of SB's price. But during my dry years I did quite a bit of work in it. The phone and apple mouse are the only realistic still lifes I made with SB. The city was a unplanned sketch that grew. I guess SB was good for me, since I could just doodle and didn't have to commit to finish the painting. I was so discouraged, almost afraid to sit down to do a complete painting, since I was afraid of letting myself down over and over again.

Another failed 2004 painting

2008-01-17T10:59:00.000-10:00

Not to make this too much of a downer, but I'm digging through the 'lost years' directories. I am finding work I had high hopes for when I started it, only to see my motivation dry up and leave behind a dead piece of painting. Here is another example. Not much to explain I guess.

Old painting from 2004

2008-01-17T10:40:00.000-10:00

Here's the first failed attempt during my depression. I started this in mid 2004 in Los Angeles and finished it in Wellington in 2006. I used to finish my paintings in 2-3 days when I used to be 'on fire'. It would be ok to have it take that long, but it's just not a decent painting. The only thing I like is the feeling of moonlight. Composition is bad and the painting has no life to it. The subject matter and presentation are quite boring too. One can almost see the lack of life force in me ;) But - here it is!

Last decent work

2008-01-16T19:21:00.000-10:00

Old work: Well - this is the last decent illustration I made before I hit my depression. I like it quite a bit - it was done in 2002. I guess it was inspired by the mech-monster in Steve Norrington's debut movie "Death Machine" - it's a hilarious movie, go catch it.
Before I worked on that I already had taken a break from painting and I consider this my last valid work of that phase. I started with a quick sketch and then just refined it in iterations. The blended gradients are done with the smudge brush.

Wanna have!

2008-01-16T15:28:00.000-10:00

Well - here is an illustration that I just finished. Just played around in Artrage which is a really simple but cool paint program. Very cheap too - go get it!
The illustration kinda happened. Pretty silly. I vowed that from here on, there needs to be some kind of character in each of my paintings, since that is my weakest spot.

Hello!

2008-01-16T11:34:00.000-10:00

Welcome to my attempt to re-enter my creative side! We'll see where this is going and if it's ever going to take off. :)
Basically, the story is this:
I'm a digital artist and am working in visual effects for movies. I used to do a lot of personal work - digital illustration - until five years ago I started suffering from depression. One of the symptoms of depression is that it takes away the joy of doing things that you love.
So I slowly stopped doing my own art. The desire to do it stayed, but the motivation and ability to pull it off, completely faded.
A few months ago, after 1.5 years of therapy, medication and quite a bit of hard work, I finally began emerging from that black hole I'd fallen into. I created this blog to help myself to start painting again. I hope that a little public place will lure me back to being creative.
First I will post the painting attempts of the past years so you can see how badly things went ;) and then, with a little bit of luck, I'll be posting new art.

Wish me luck and welcome to my blog! :)